The Onion has just published this tongue-in-cheek "revelation" about tough new financial regulations:
New Law Forces CEOs To Humbly Shrug Before Receiving Massive BonusesGo read the original article, it is a hoot.
WASHINGTON—Securities and Exchange Commission officials are calling it the strictest regulatory reform since the Great Depression: CEOs of major financial institutions will now be required to humbly shrug and smile sheepishly before accepting huge salary bonuses.
The new regulation, SEC rule 206(b)-7, will reportedly target Wall Street executives who accept disgustingly bloated annual payouts, forcing them to raise and then lower their shoulders in a manner that conveys a mild degree of humility or a sense of "Aw, shucks. Who? Me?"
"This sweeping new reform sends a clear message to fat-cat CEOs at firms like Goldman Sachs and AIG," SEC chair Mary Schapiro said Monday. "Never again will they be able to receive massive bonuses unless, at a minimum, they flash a gee-I-don't-think-I-should expression and say something like 'Well, all right, but only if you insist' first."
Addressing reporters Monday, President Obama praised the SEC's rule change, but said the regulatory body must now set stronger limits on how bankers act after they receive their bonuses.
"Making them shrug is one thing," Obama said, "but stopping their shameful practice of pumping their fists, high-fiving everyone in the office, and shouting 'cha-ching' immediately afterward is quite another."