Police Fear Assault by Mad Stapler

Yes... fear that a man "armed with a stapler" (you know, that well known lethal device that staples together a few sheets of paper) were forced -- yes, holding a stapler is practically putting a gun to your head and forcing you -- to respond in self defense with five, yes count 'em, 5 separate stuns from tasers. Oh... the mad attacker was of course killed for his aggression. What do you expect? Do you think the police should stand by and let a maniac with a stapler simply wave it around 5 feet from them without going on the defensive. And... hey, just because this mad attacker was on the ground after two stunnings, why should the police stop until they get him to "surrender" by hitting him with 3 more stuns and then putting a knee to his neck so he couldn't breathe. Yes, all police manuals tell you that the way to bring a "mad stapler" to heel is to put a knee on their neck to cut off air while they are face down. Do that for a few minutes and then you can rest assured that the "treat" from staples will have been effectively, efficient, finally, definitely, terminally dealt with. Just like the police manuals recommend!

For details, read this report.

To see for yourself, look at this:



Look carefully for that dread threat of "attack by stapler". I must confess it occurs too fast for me to appreciate the threat. But I'm a mere civilian.

Obviously the 4 big burly RCMP were on the scene and they felt that even though they had their "culprit" surrounded, that dread stapler was just too dangerous a weapon to undertake a normal takedown. This called for serious police escalation to deadly force, clearly, for the safety of these officers. Just look, that madman Dziekanski had them surrounded.

Look! He may appear to be one guy surrounded by 4 burly cops, but clearly that is an optical illusion. Dziekansi had armed himself with the most lethal weapon known to mankind, and the poor police had only one choice... stand back and taser, and taser until he falls down, then taser, and taser, and taser until he stops thrashing, then pile on him and cut off his air supply until his breathing stops, his pulse stops, and all those dangerous ideas of ejecting lethal staples have been squeezed out of that madman!

Thank God we have brave police like the RCMP that take no chances.

I would argue that even a baby with a rattle should be treated as an armed and dangerous madman where even a taser is not adequate... simply pull out the handguns, the shotgun and plug the baby with lead until the pulverized flesh stops oozing. Now that's the way a truly modern, efficient, effective police force should respond!

Chalk one up for the Mounties... they always "get their man" even if it requires overwhelming force, cruel death, and indifference to the victim of a police assault. The Mounties not only get their man, they also close ranks and defend each other and come up with unique defences such as "I was attacked by a stapler and had no choice but to kill him!"