For years I've followed Elizabeth Loftus' work on false memories and the horrors of the 1980s/early 1990s when people began claiming to have "recovered memories" of sexual abuse, satanic torture, etc. leading into the horrible trials of daycare providers charged with child abuse.
Here is a video of Elizabeth Loftus talking about her work investigating the ability to plant false memories. Go to 1:12:30 to see the start of her talk and 1:16:10 for her talk on false memories:
RY, This is a tough one. So excuse me I didn't read the links. I was close to a family that went through one of the "abused as a child" messes. It went on for years much to the detriment of about 5 people. Though the abuser was not named the living parent of the "abused" went through years of awful self-doubt and much more. It was truly a sad affair.
Kanna: Yes, this abuse sure messes a person up, and what bothers me is that it sets up a pattern of generational abuse and victimization. What I like about Elizabeth Loftus' work is that she is helping prevent false abuse cases and the horrors they create for innocent victims.
I dated a woman 35 years ago who had been abused as a child. She had dated an abuser and got pregnant by him, but managed to get away. I tried to give her emotional support, but sadly my personality is too "factual" so I ended up chasing her away. I suspect she fell right into the arms of another abuser who knew how to push her psychological buttons. The sad fact was that I could empathize but I didn't give her the emotional "drama" that she needed.
One thing I've come to realize is that there are very few really healthy wholesome people out there. Almost everybody carries scars from childhood traumas and sadly we almost all fall short in giving the next generation the support it needs.
There really should be "hero" awards for stable families who raise healthy kids. Those are the ones who ensure that civilization goes on. We pay too much honour to the mad geniuses of society and not enough to the ordinary Joes who raise health kids, the cornerstone of a stable society. The media -- journalism & arts -- reek with tales of dysfunctional people. Meanwhile there is too little focus on the long hard slog of normal families who raise the foundation of the future: sound citizens who are healthy, happy, and helpful to others.
RY, Knowing the people involved, this was most likely a case of "false memories" just about as hurtful as the real "abuses". My parents had to "deal with" four of us spread out in ages. When I think about it, I can't imagine keeping track of which kid needs what style of parenting and at what stage. Add to that two parents with differing points of view and schemata of what constitutes a good future-Oh MY.
You are right about the "mad genius" honor. Maybe it fits the "American, anyone can be great" or just another version of the "log-cabin syndrome".
Kanna: I got a real chuckle over your "When I think about it, I can't imagine keeping track of which kid needs what style of parenting and at what stage." My mother was a teacher, so when I discovered I had to earn a living and realized I had few real skills, I figured I would be a teacher. My mother was a wonderful teacher. How hard could it be?
Well... I discovered that I had no real talent because I couldn't deal with a class full of kids with agendas different from what I had prepared. This was my first big fat failure in life. It sure took me down several notches.
I had discovered that each kid had his own agenda and I didn't have the skills to "manage" the chaos of the classroom. So I dropped that vocation. It was an expensive lesson to learn, and humiliating.
I still love ideas and think education is the key to success, but I moved over into industry and after "only" 15 years of wandering in the wilderness did I end up in an R&D (research and development) setting where I got to "pretend" to be in education. I got to investigate lots of interesting technology. The group had seminars and ran itself like a learning institution. I got to interact with a number of university profs and their graduate students.
By this time I was mildly competent to deal with the need for "styles of parenting" while dealing with teams of researchers. I had 30 years under my belt to give me gravitas. I was a "success" but never felt myself to be a success. In my heart of hearts, I never mastered the ability to deal with people and their differing needs for "styles of parenting".
So "styles of parenting" strikes a real chord in me. It brings up many memories.
4 comments:
RY,
This is a tough one.
So excuse me I didn't read the links.
I was close to a family that went through one of the "abused as a child" messes.
It went on for years much to the detriment of about 5 people. Though the abuser was not named the living parent of the "abused" went through years of awful self-doubt and much more.
It was truly a sad affair.
Kanna: Yes, this abuse sure messes a person up, and what bothers me is that it sets up a pattern of generational abuse and victimization. What I like about Elizabeth Loftus' work is that she is helping prevent false abuse cases and the horrors they create for innocent victims.
I dated a woman 35 years ago who had been abused as a child. She had dated an abuser and got pregnant by him, but managed to get away. I tried to give her emotional support, but sadly my personality is too "factual" so I ended up chasing her away. I suspect she fell right into the arms of another abuser who knew how to push her psychological buttons. The sad fact was that I could empathize but I didn't give her the emotional "drama" that she needed.
One thing I've come to realize is that there are very few really healthy wholesome people out there. Almost everybody carries scars from childhood traumas and sadly we almost all fall short in giving the next generation the support it needs.
There really should be "hero" awards for stable families who raise healthy kids. Those are the ones who ensure that civilization goes on. We pay too much honour to the mad geniuses of society and not enough to the ordinary Joes who raise health kids, the cornerstone of a stable society. The media -- journalism & arts -- reek with tales of dysfunctional people. Meanwhile there is too little focus on the long hard slog of normal families who raise the foundation of the future: sound citizens who are healthy, happy, and helpful to others.
RY,
Knowing the people involved, this was most likely a case of "false memories" just about as hurtful as the real "abuses".
My parents had to "deal with" four of us spread out in ages. When I think about it, I can't imagine keeping track of which kid needs what style of parenting and at what stage. Add to that two parents with differing points of view and schemata of what constitutes a good future-Oh MY.
You are right about the "mad genius" honor. Maybe it fits the "American, anyone can be great" or just another version of the "log-cabin syndrome".
Kanna: I got a real chuckle over your "When I think about it, I can't imagine keeping track of which kid needs what style of parenting and at what stage." My mother was a teacher, so when I discovered I had to earn a living and realized I had few real skills, I figured I would be a teacher. My mother was a wonderful teacher. How hard could it be?
Well... I discovered that I had no real talent because I couldn't deal with a class full of kids with agendas different from what I had prepared. This was my first big fat failure in life. It sure took me down several notches.
I had discovered that each kid had his own agenda and I didn't have the skills to "manage" the chaos of the classroom. So I dropped that vocation. It was an expensive lesson to learn, and humiliating.
I still love ideas and think education is the key to success, but I moved over into industry and after "only" 15 years of wandering in the wilderness did I end up in an R&D (research and development) setting where I got to "pretend" to be in education. I got to investigate lots of interesting technology. The group had seminars and ran itself like a learning institution. I got to interact with a number of university profs and their graduate students.
By this time I was mildly competent to deal with the need for "styles of parenting" while dealing with teams of researchers. I had 30 years under my belt to give me gravitas. I was a "success" but never felt myself to be a success. In my heart of hearts, I never mastered the ability to deal with people and their differing needs for "styles of parenting".
So "styles of parenting" strikes a real chord in me. It brings up many memories.
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